Ask Andy! - Issue 2, Series 1 - June, 1998

"Must see" mental illness?

Dear Andy: What is with people who like NBC sitcoms? Anonymous

Dear Anonymous: There is unfortunately no simple cure for these people. What needs done, and what is even in their own best interest, is to beat them within an inch of their life. Hopefully the brain damage incurred, as well as their previous stupidity, will work together the same way that in multiplication two negatives make a positive. Even if this doesn't work, it can still be fun. Try it and see!!!

Romantic fool

Dear Andy: I have no life, which is why I must constantly feed off of romantic old family stories. Here's one now...An old man and an old lady were sitting by a pool in the nude. Looking straight at him, the old lady grabbed a tuft of hair on his back and screeched "How do you like them apples?" Calmly and collectively the old man stared deeply into her eyes and cried out "I know what you need, you old bag you!" Pulling out his laptop computer, he handed it to the old lady, who promptly wept with joy. Knowing that the grabbing of back hair and passing of expensive hardware is a marriage custom in certain parts of Eastern Europe makes the story of how my grandparents finally married about as romantic as you can get! Emmeshed with Family

Dear Emmeshed: Go to H--L you stupid, lifeless piece of crap!

Gem of the Day

You never know how might you have until a little Ethiopian boy named Sa'heeb emigrates to your hometown and beats you up to pay for his college tuition so that he can fuel his relentless drive upward on the ladder of American life!

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