Ask Andy! - Issue 6, Series 1 - June, 1998

Internet love

Dear Andy:
I met this guy over the internet and I really like him. What should I do?
Hopelessly in Love

Dear Hopeless:
I think that you should avoid him. Often, internet relationships are more imaginary than real. Basically, you fill in what you want for what you don't know about a person, and what you do know could be a lie. Whoever he is, he could be someone else. For all you really know, he could be some hairy pedophile looking for some hot new kiddies, or a raunchy lesbian. It is for these reasons that I'd recommend sticking to men that you meet in the "real world". I know he may sound tempting, but you must avoid him at all costs. Don't even think about meeting him. Trust me, it's better this way in the long run.

Intergalactic love

Dear Andy:
The other day, I had "whoopee" with an alien.
Senoj Aluap

Dear Senoj:
Be sure to have his baby so that you can sell it to a government test agency. With the money that you have, plus periodic blood donations, you can probably retire and live a modest life in your native trailer park until you're at least 40 years old.

Intern love

Dear Andy:
Some people have accused me of having oral sex with the president, but I forgot if I did or not, so I've had to surround myself with top notch lawyers for protection. What should I do?
Yksniwel Acinom

Dear Yksniwel:
Frankly, I don't know. The economy's soaring, and I've got a great job. This bull market's got a good 7 months left, before it crashes and we all starve. Frankly, I don't care about your little fiasco, and no one sees you the worse for it, so just tell the truth. No one will care, and maybe you'll even be able to sign a book deal.

Gem of the Day

Life isn't what you make of it, but what someone makes of it for you. Contrary to popular thought, genius really ISN'T 99% perspiration and 1% inspiration. It's the other way around. It's not your attitude, but you aptitude. That's why I believe that we all need to give up right now unless we have had successful ancestors.

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Disclaimer: The advice given in this column is given strictly on the basis of the opinions of a non-professional.
"Ask Andy!" is written, arranged, edited, and answered by Andrew Frazier
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