Ask Andy! - Issue 7, Series 1 - June, 1998

A grateful reader

Dear Andy:
Thanks for the great advice. All my problems are solved! You're the best!
Thankful in Davenport

Dear Thankful:
Thanks for the rewarding letter! It's avent readers like you who make writing my column worth every bit of trouble I put into it, plus some. It's always great to know that I help people!

Problems in a "friendship"

Dear Andy:
I have this problem. I can't seem to break off this friendship. The person, who will remain nameless, just can't seem to keep friends and has more enemies than the president! I feel bad about how I feel. She thinks of me as one of her best friends and I can't seem to stop talking bad about her. For a person who is supposed to be my best friend she sure treats me like dog meat unless it suits her. What is your opinion?

Dear Anonymous:
Judging by the way that this girl seems to have so many enemies, and the fact that everyone seems to talk about her, I'd stop feeling guilty. After all, from the way it sounds, everyone talks about her, leading me to think that the problem isn't with you being gossipy, but rather that she is so bad that she monopolizes your thoughts. In order to free yourself from her and guilt, I'd like to suggest the most damaging thing you can possibly do to her: ignore her. As difficult as it seems, once you let the mean things that she does to you go unnoticed, she loses most of her power over you causing you to stop hating her, and thus, you will stop talking about her. As for breaking off the friendship, as difficult as this is, I believe that the best thing to do is to state to her face, and only to her in no uncertain terms that you believe that she is mean and cold hearted, and because of the way she treats you, and other people, you think that it would be best if you two restricted your contact. Though it will hurt her, it's far less painful to her than finding out that someone she thinks of as a friend is talking about her. It's also quick, comparatively painless, and allows you to talk over your problems with her. If you don't want to break off the friendship, then merely explain that these things upset you. If she doesn't change, then I would recommend that you break off the friendship.

A request from Andy

Dear Readers:
I would like to devote an entire issue to future fears. As depressing as it sounds, I think it would be interesting to find what my readers fear most about their future. Please, write me on this subject.

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Disclaimer: The advice given in this column is given strictly on the basis of the opinions of a non-professional.
"Ask Andy!" is written, arranged, edited, and answered by Andrew Frazier
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